Solaris (1972)

(Originally released as: Solyaris)

Starring: Natalya Bondarchuk, Donatas Banionis, Juri Jarvet, Vladislav Dvorzhetsky, Nikolai Grinko

First, the Lowdown: A scientist travels to an alien world, and finds his dead wife.

At the banks of a silent brook stands a man. His name is Kris Kelvin – a “Solarist”. He studies the data that is currently being gathered from a far off planet, called Solaris. But Kris's work has tapered off some, every day he takes a walk around the forests outside his father's house. A car approaches the house carrying Burton, another Solarist, and his son.

Burton has a tape of a recorded statement he gave to the investigating counsel over ten years ago about Solaris. A scientific party landed on the planet and began surveying its vast ocean lead by a Dr. Fechner. They never returned. The remaining scientific crew sent out a search party to look for the missing men, all returned in a timely manner except for one helicopter – piloted by Burton. An hour after nightfall, Burton's helicopter returned. Once back on the station, Burton immediately ran to his quarters and refused to leave. Eventually, he relaxed a little, but refused to look out any windows looking out over the ocean. While on his search mission, Burton became trapped in a fog. Looking down at the planet's surface, he noticed that all tidal activity had stopped and that islands appeared to form on the water's surface. Islands with acacias and flowers which quickly dissolved. Burton tried to record this activity, but all the camera would pick up were cloud formations. Later Burton found a body floating in the ocean, with another figure next to it. The other figure was a child, that looked like Fechner's son – only 14 feet tall. The counsel felt that Burton's experience was more hallucination brought about by fatigue, illness, or the magnetic waves that Solaris has been known to put out (and are theorized to be thought patterns.)

Solaristics as a science is in jeopardy – the mountain of data is disjointed and incoherent. The original research staff of 80 has been pared down to three – and their sporadic reports are even more confusing. The counsel is on the brink of closing off all Solaris research permanently, so Burton has asked Kelvin to go to Solaris and evaluate the situation. Kelvin is reluctant to leave, however, as his elderly father is sick with a terminal illness and may not live out the year. Furthermore, Kris knows that the counsel only wants a justification to shut the research station down, but also feels that Solaritics is at a stalemate because of irresponsible daydreaming. It is Kelvin's own father, though, that insists he go – instead on brooding over his research here on earth.

Kelvin arrives a the station and finds no one is there to greet him, let alone guide his spacecraft in for a landing. The station corridors are a mess, instruments are in poor repair, and of the three men stationed only two remain – Snaut and Sartorius. The third scientist, Gilbarian, killed himself. Kelvin finds Snaut in his quarters, singing. Something in Snaut's hammock is making it sway back and forth. Before Kris can say anything, Snaut hurredly tells him to settle into quarters of his own and return in the morning.

In Gilbarian's quarters, Kris finds a recorded message left for him. In it a distressed Gilbarian talks about Sartorius's decision to bombard the Solaris ocean with radiation. To which the planet reacted with magnetic waves of its own. Wanting further answers, Kelvin seeks out Sartorius at his quarters, but he too tells him to come back tomorrow.

In the corridor, Kelvin sees a young girl. But when he tries following her, she disappears. He approaches Snaut about this occurrance, but Snaut tells him to relax. Frustrated, Kelvin returns to Gilbarian's message to finish watching it – and sees the young girl from the corridor come into the frame. Gilbarian shoves her out of the way and tells says that her presence is not madness, but something to do with consciousness.

Kris beds down for the night and wakes up at dawn to find a young woman, Hari - his wife who had committed suicide 10 years ago. She kisses him awake, but he soon realizes that he's now dreaming and panics. Especially since he blocked the door shut. So no one could get in. Hari tells Kris that she feels like she has forgotten something.

Still unnerved by the apparition of his dead wife, Kris tries to leave the room, but Hari protests. Under the pretense of leaving the station together, Kris lures Hari into a rocket and launches it (nearly incinerating himself in the process). Snaut finds Kelvin in his quarters and tells him that the “guests” that have been plaguing the station appeared after probing the ocean with x-rays. He also tells Kelvin that it doesn't matter how he tries to dispose of Hari, she will come back. Desperate to leave the station, Kelvin asks Snaut if he would sign a report to liquidate the station. Snaut demurs because of the possibility of finally making complete contact with the alien consciousness of Solaris.

The next evening, Hari returns to Kelvin's room.

This movie has been called “Russia's answer to 2001” and it's understandable. Where Kubrick's 2001 was about transcending the fetters of tools so that one's consciousness may evolve, Solaris emphasizes loosening one's sense of duty so that one's heart may transcend. It's a pretty powerful statement to make in the Soviet Union at that time, Kruschev was hardlining the benefits of duty to society, so to have a filmmaker call that into question back then was a pretty bold step. Like 2001, Solaris takes a pretty languid pace (almost TOO languid for some, its running time is almost three hours). Unlike, 2001, it is not terribly effects heavy. Most of the budget seemed to go towards the set of the Solaris research platform itself which looks very utilitarian.

As I mentioned before, the problem most people have with this movie is its running time. Tartakovsky seems to take his time moving from scene to scene. In many ways his filming style is almost too observational – scenes linger on background minutiae much like one would if they were watching the same situation. (Think about how often your eyes wander everywhere during the course of the day.) Unlike most people, I rather like the way the movie is paced because it allows the weight of everything that is said to sink in. (Plus it's relieving to watch a film where you aren't going to be constantly bombard with “Oooh! Check out the special effects!” montages.)

Line of the movie: “They come at night. But one must sleep sometime.”

Five stars. Stay off the moors.

Eternal Sunshine On The Spotless Mind (2004)

Starring: Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, Elijah Wood, Mark Ruffalo, Tom Wilkinson, David Cross

First, The Lowdown: A romantic comedy told a la Philip K. Dick.

“Where are all the good men dead? In the heart or in the head?”

Meet Joel. He wakes up on a typical Valentine's Day depressed and alone. To fit with his already desolate state, he notices that a huge gash has been cut into the door panel of his car. While waiting for his morning commute, Joel decides to take a train to the beach and ditch work. Joel doesn't consider himself to be an impulsive person, but the desperation in which he forces his way to the other platform and onto the train makes gives the impression that something important is inspiring him. Opening up his journal to record some random thoughts, he notices that the last two year's entries have been torn out – an act that Joel doesn't remember doing.

Meandering at the beach, Joel sees a woman in orange looking out at the surf. However, his withdrawn nature prevents him from talking with her. At the coffee shop, Joel sees the same woman sitting down a ways from him and watches her slip a bit of booze into her coffee. Waiting for the return train, Joel sees the very same woman in orange heading the same way. On the way back, she strikes up conversation with him, she vaguely recognizes him as a customer at her bookstore. Her name is Clementine, and warns Joel not to joke about her name, but Joel doesn't know any references to it. (The song “My Darling Clementine” is a complete blank to him.) Their conversation ambles along, but when Joel refers to Clementine as “nice”, she closes up. It turns out that Clementine is about as out of sorts today on Valentine's Day as Joel.

Joel drives Clementine back to her apartment and she invites him upstairs for a drink. They talk more which emphasizes how quiet and reserved Joel is with how outgoing and random Clementine is. The next evening, Clementine takes Joel to the Charles – a frozen lake just off of a local highway, and they talk more. Clementine sleeps on the drive back, an all-night affair, and asks Joel if she can sleep over at his place. While Joel waits in his car, a young man knocks on his window and asks why he's there. Joel tells him that he's just waiting. The man walks away, leaving Joel confused.

Now pretend you didn't just read that.

Rewinding back to the day before Valentine's Day, Joel is driving in his car, crying with the forlorn determination of someone who's been thrust into the frontier of solitude. Unknown to him, he is being followed by two men in a van. At the mailboxes, he runs into Frank, a next door neighbor. Frank complains that the only Valentine's Day cards he gets are from his mother and envies Joel for having a Clementine as a girlfriend. Joel notes a letter by Lacuna Inc. and goes up to his apartment. He dresses in a new pair of pajamas and takes a prescription he just purchased. Finally turning off his lights, he passes out on the floor. Seeing the lights turned out, the men in the van, Stan and Patrick, break into Joel's apartment, dragging armloads of equipment with them.

As Joel sleeps, he dreams about the conversation he just had with Frank about Clementine – but it's like watching a badly focused movie which gets even more out of focus until it fades to black. When the scene comes back, Joel is having a conversation that he with his friends, Rob and Carrie, only a few days prior. It turns out that he has been dating Clementine for quite a while, but the relationship imploded on itself when Clementine came home drunk after putting a gash into Joel's car. With Valentine's Day looming, Joel tries to call Clementine, but her phone number is changed. Still wanting to seek resolution, Joel buys an early Valentine's Day gift for her and swings by her workplace – at Barnes & Noble's. However, Clementine not only is there with another (and younger) man, but acts like she doesn't recognize Joel. Distraught, he relays this to his friends and Carrie tries to assure him that he needs to see this as a sign to move on. Rob, however, pulls an envelope from a drawer from Lacuna Inc. In it is a card that states: “Clementine Kruczynski has had Joel Barish erased from her memory. Please never mention their relationship to her again.” Clementine's name fades from the card.

Lacuna Inc. is a service that erases memories of a relationship from a person's mind. Joel was not supposed to see the notice from their office. Dr. Mierzwiak, who invented the process, informs Joel that their files are confidential (so he cannot provide him with evidence) and that Clementine wanted to move on. By undergoing their treatment, she has purged Joel from her memory. Rob and Carrie are not surprised by that decision, however, given Clementine's tendency for exuberance. Now feeling completely left in the lurch, Joel insists to have the procedure done on himself. The first thing that is required is that Joel has to collect everything that reminds himself of Clementine – books, journal entries, photos, clothes, books, CDs, etc. Lacuna will then use those items to create a “map” of his memory. Once the map is established Stan and Patrick, Lacuna's technicians, will come into erase the memories. The idea is that every memory has an established core that keeps it associated; remove that core and the memory begins to atrophy until it is gone. Once done, Joel will wake up afresh without any lingering memories of his lost love.

However, in order for Joel's memories to be erased, he has to re-experience them – which starts with the process that brought him to Lacuna as well as his involvement with them. It also means that for all of the bad memories (arguments, break-up fallout, etc.) Joel also has to relive all of the good memories about Clementine and then have them deleted before his eyes. Even more discomfiting is the fact that Patrick was rather stricken with Clementine when Lacuna came to her place, and has been using the data they erased to try and forge a relationship with her using the good associations she previously had with Joel. As Joel revisits his memories (and watches them die), he finds that he wants to keep them because even the bad ones make the relationship with Clementine whole. So in a bid of desperation, Joel tries to associate her with memories that are completely unrelated to the context, like his early childhood.

And you thought Kurt Vonnegut was fucked up.

The thing that makes this movie so compelling is that it touches on an experience that nearly everyone has had – falling in and out of love. And unlike most Hollywood romances, Joel and Clementine's relationship is not perfect at all, in fact it starts out in the most typically awkward fashion. Their attraction for each other is fueled by their opposing natures, which eventually also causes much of their conflict. So this movie presents us with a very realistic relationship. It also gives a rather Faustian posit: if you could wipe your mind clean of the memory of someone who broke your heart badly, would you do it? Brilliantly the movie begins by showing us the consequences of that choice right off the bat. It's also interesting to note that while both Joel and Clementine managed to completely erase the memories of each other, they hadn't lost attraction for each other. (This fact also rears its head amongst the minor characters also.) Patrick's plagiarized romance with Clementine begins to demonstrate that just because you know someone else's part; it doesn't mean you fit their role. (And it also brings a new meaning to the phrase “identity theft.”) The idea of a memory removal service is also portray rather matter-of-factly. Rather than a shiny medical facility one normally finds in commercials, Lacuna Inc. looks like it's run out of a dentist's office. (Additionally, it brings up how a service might be abused by the over-dependent: the receptionist informs a caller that she cannot have the procedure performed upon her more than three times in a month.)

Ultimately, we're left with the question: if you know the love affair you're about to start is going to be doomed, would you still do it?

Line of the movie: “Where's the self-help section?”

Five stars. Now open 24 hours.

Zatoichi Meets The One-Armed Swordsman (1971)

(Originally released as: Shin Zatoichi: Yabure! Tojin-ken)

Starring: Shintaro Katsu, Wang Yu, Watako Hamaki, Michie Terada, Koji Nambara, Koji Minawara

First, the Lowdown: Two martial arts legends and hilarity ensues.

“Ladies and gentlemen! I know present to you the match of the century! In the red corner, from the warring Manchu states himself, the Monodextrous Marauder – Wang Kang, the One-Armed Swordsman!”

(cheers and applause)

“And in the blue corner, from our very own feudal kingdoms, the Handicapable Hatchetman – Zatoichi, the Blind Warrior!”

(cheers and applause)

“Now let's get ready to RUUUMMMMBLE!!!”

In an empty field a blind man with a cane waits. Finally growing impatient, he calls out to the group of thugs that have been following him since he left a nearby village. The thugs stay back, however, waiting for one of their number to sneak up silently on their quarry. Zatoichi, our blind man, isn't any normal handicapped drifter, however, and picks up a nearby rock and beans the sneaking man on the noggin. Now pissed, the thugs call out to Zatoichi to lure him into a trap, a tied snare. The blind man finds it, but pretends to stumble. Three men charge and quicker than you can say “Ginsu”, Zatoichi disembowels them.

In the following village a family of Chinese circus performers busks for their living. The father juggles spears and hurls them at a target his wife stands in front of. After their performance, they are greeted by Wang Kang, a swordsman also from China who is missing his arm. Wang Kang is looking for the temple of Fukuryu-ji, so that he may study with an old friend of his and avoid the many enemies he's made in his homeland. The performers offer to show him the way there, they have been away from China so long that they crave news from home. The next morning, the group encounters a procession escorting a tribute to one of the feudal lords. The villagers scurry to get out of their way and avoid their sight. Wang Kang, new to Japan, does not understand, but follows suit anyway. The performer’s son, Shaolong, however chases after his kite that blew in the path of the oncoming samurai. Perturbed at the interruption of their escort, they draw their swords to strike the boy down, but Shaolong's mother takes the blow to protect her son. The boy's father steps forward and prevents the man from finishing the job, only to be attacked by a second samurai. Wang Kang will have none of that, though. He makes short work over the men who attacked Shaolong's parents, and quickly dispatches about five others before running off. The samurai leader sends half of his men after Wang Kang in pursuit, but tells the remaining ones to kill all of the witnesses! That way the samurai can claim that some random one-armed Chinese guy went apeshit and started killing people!

Meanwhile, Zatoichi is walking along the same path when he hears Shaolong crying. He has enough time to hear Shaolong's father die. Taking the boy along, the come to the nearby village where Zatoichi finds out that some random one-armed Chinese guy went apeshit and started killing people. The offending man has been chased into a quarry though, and there is a 5 ryo (Japanese gold coins) reward. Unbeknownst to our blind man, two of the thugs that accosted him earlier are still alive and plotting a way to screw him over.

At the quarry, our one-armed swordsman is proving to be a harder catch that previously thought. The pursuing men try to rush him out of a hut that Wang Kang has hidden in, only to find out that he's pretty good in close quarters. So they try smoking him out, only to find out that he's too quick for them to catch either and they lose him in the forest. Wang Kang's flight is interrupted by Zatoichi who is trying to find out where Shaolong can go. Wang Kang is happy to the boy and takes him along, hoping to find Fukuryu-ji. However, he leaves Zatoichi, not trusting. Zatoichi deduces that Wang Kang is the one-armed Chinese guy that the samurai have been searching for, so he follows them to make sure that Shaolong is safe.

He catches up with them at an abandoned shed, and offers them food. However, neither Zatoichi or Wang Kang speak the same language, so they cannot understand each other. After proving that the food is not poisoned, Zatoichi wins them over. Shaolong does know Japanese, though and tells Zatoichi where Wang Kang is headed. Wang Kang asks him to guide them there so they set out in the night.

Needing rest, they come to a house in the middle of the woods. As coincidence would have it, it belongs to Oyo-ne and her father, who saw the samurai attack earlier, but survived by hiding. Both of them recognize the Chinese man and offer the three of them a place to spend the night. Oyo-ne's father tells them that the henchmen of boss Toubei, the head of the local Yakuza, have been combing the countryside. Wang Kang's bounty is now TEN ryo and they're hoppin' mad. Zatoichi then learns of Wang Kang's innocence of the whole affair, which only makes him more determined to help them out.

The next morning, Zatoichi sets out to get supplies. Wang Kang is worried about his departure, though, but still can't understand a word they say. Unknown to Zatoichi, boss Toubei wasn't the only one searching the forest. The two surviving thugs from earlier, their grudges freshly burning, find out that Zatoichi has been helping Wang Kang and in turn report their whereabouts to boss Toubei! While in town, Zatoichi finds out that their cover has been blown and hurries back. However, Toubei is too late. Oyo-ne's parents refuse to talk and die for it. Zatoichi arrives at the house too late, however, and finds the husband and wife dead. Toubei has kidnapped Oyo-ne in the hopes that she'll tell him where Wang Kang is headed, but their interrogation has been interrupted by Zatoichi, who cuts off Toubei's ear and releases her.

Oyo-ne however, doesn't trust Zatoichi, since Toubei has told her that the blind man turned in their folks for the bounty! When she returns to her house, she finds Wang Kang and Shaolong, who have buried her parents out of respect. Wang Kang, however, remembers that the only person who knew about their location was Zatoichi, and he has mysteriously disappeared! Now convinced that Zatoichi sold him out, Wang Kang is determined to avenge the lives of those who helped them.

A one-armed man going up against a blind man sounds like something you'd normally find on YouTube, but I assure you that this is no joke. For the uninitiated, what we have here is the meeting of two legends of Chinese and Japanese martial arts cinema together in the same movie.

First there is Zatoichi, a blind masseur who keeps a sword in his cane. There are a ton of movies circling around him and they usually follow Zatoichi as he wanders from town to town, getting in the middle of stuff and carving people's butts off and serving it back to them, when they think they can take him out because he's blind. Most of the movies have the actor rolling his eyes to appear blind and performing stunts that really are only possible by the sighted (or Daredevil, Man Without Fear). But that's not the point of these movies – the point is to see a blind man slice up some jackass's sweetbreads and dodge the arterial spray that happens.

Second, there is Wang Kang, the One-Armed Swordsman. I can only think of two movies offhand that feature him, The One-Armed Swordsman and Legend of the Flying Guillotine. Both movies focus on Wang Kang and an ever-increasing stack of bizarre enemies and usually climax in a sequence of martial arts sequences so fantastically physics-defying that we barely notice that the actor playing Wang Kang has his “missing” arm stuffed in his shirt. But we're not supposed to care about that, we watch these movies to see Wang Kang crack open a barrel of “Uncle Chang's Most Potent Infusion of Ass Whoopery” on a gang of adversaries that could only be described as dada-esque.

Obviously, if you're a fan of freaktastic fighting, finding out about this movie should be the martial arts fanboy equivalent of Rush Limbaugh being locked in an Oxycodone factory.

Unfortunately, if you're expecting dazzlingly elaborate action set pieces, I'm sorry to say that while the One-Armed Swordsman may have been a Shaw Bros. presentation, this movie is made by Zatoichi's home company, Toho. Thusly the fights are along the line of the “slash and spray” variety that is common in samurai film.

But for such a pulpy story background, the script is very tightly written and captures the personalities of both legends without seeming too contrived. Especially interesting was the decision to make Wang Kang still use his native Chinese as his spoken language. It's because of this language barrier that we reach the crux of this film, and some of the ways that Japanese and Chinese is cross-understood are very amusing. (One scene has Wang Kang saying “Xiexie” or thank you, when Zatoichi offers him water. Zatoichi, however hears it as “Shasha” or the sound of running water.)

Line of the movie: “The dumb and the blind aren't a good combination.”

Five stars. Chop, grate, blend.