Miracle Mile (1988)

Starring: Anthony Edwards, Mare Winningham, John Agar, Lou Hancock, Mykel T. Williamson, Denise Crosby

First, the Lowdown: A man finally meets the woman of his dreams, and has to rescue her before the world ends.

It’s amazing what can happen when you’re in love. Harry Washello is an old-fashioned kinda guy. He is the lead trombonist for a jazz ensemble and considers himself to be quite contentedly single. Then he meets Julie – the perfect woman. She doesn’t cringe at his taste in music or movies, hell one afternoon she brings her elderly father along to watch Harry play in his band. Things are going great.

Like all relationships there are the occasional stumbling blocks. Julie works a swing shift at an all-night diner. However she doesn’t see that as a reason to prevent them from having a tête-à-tête afterwards, so after Harry drops her off he arranges to pick her up at 1am. And then an electrical fire shorts out the power to his hotel – so while Harry sleeps his alarm fails to wake him up until 3 hours later.

Now completely overdue, Julie goes to her mother’s house, depressed because she thinks Harry stood her up, while Harry rushes to the diner. Once at the diner Harry finds out that he missed Julie by a couple HOURS, so he tries calling her on the payphone outside. Unable to reach her, Harry decides to cut his losses, get some breakfast, and try to make amends later in the morning.

And then the payphone rings.

Having nothing better to do, Harry answers it. On the other end is a frantic voice who tells Harry (thinking that he’s the caller’s father) that the missile base that he is stationed at in North Dakota has just launched its warheads – the missiles will reach their targets in 45 minutes and the Soviets’ retaliation will reach us in 70. At first Harry thinks the whole thing is a joke and tries to write it off as such when a gunshot is heard and a new voice tells him, “Forget what you’ve heard and go back to sleep.”

Now fully convinced that the proverbial end is nigh, Harry informs the other patrons of the diner of what just has happened. Of them a stock broker with a cellular phone (a rarity in 1988, folks) informs them that quite a few of her colleagues who run around in the political circles have inexplicably left for the southern hemisphere. So any doubt that Harry may have had about his mysterious caller’s story begins to fade away by the minute. Now he has to figure out two things: how to get out of the city in 70 minutes and to a safe location, and how to take the love of his life with him.

Remember the 80’s folks? When all we had to worry about was nuclear war? Now things are much more stable – we don’t have to worry about an equally armed country with a competing ideology to rub noses with. Gone are the days where we had to fret about fallout and bomb shelters. Nope, nowadays it’s much more peaceful with all the religious fanatics and biological agents being spread about.

This movie is pretty dated, folks. Both the music (provided by Tangerine Dream, no less) and the fashions really slap you in the face that it’s a product of the 1980’s. Not to say that it’s necessarily a negative on it’s part. After all, with the collapse of the Berlin Wall went the cliché of the post-nuclear war or pre-nuclear war thriller. (Unfortunately the idea of nuclear war is still pretty realistic, it’s that the players have changed slightly – China still has warheads trained on us.) But it's a movie about nuclear disaster, not politics - the Russians barely get mentioned as people are more worried about how they're going to survive (patriotism isn't going to shield you from a blast wave, folks.)

Miracle Mile is a great movie because of how small it starts. It’s not like most of the World War III films of its time where the impending nuclear holocaust is broadcast over the airwaves and there’s already panic in the streets. Here the threat of attack still has a current of doubt swirling through it. After all, it was just some random phone call – what if our mysterious messenger was part of a drill? What if it really was a prank? It’s amazing what can happen with a rumor, however and the more the movie progresses the more the fear spreads. (One other thing to note is that the movie is mostly in real time, so once the 70-minute mark has been reached things have completely gone apeshit.)

Line of the movie: “You better brush your teeth every day, kids, or in 15,000 years you’re gonna look like that.”

Four stars. Please share my umbrella.

Raging Bull (1980)

Starring: Robert De Niro, Cathy Moriarty, Joe Pesci, Frank Vincent, Nicholas Colasanto, Theresa Saldana

First, The Lowdown: A middle-weight boxer spends as much of his life fighting outside of the ring as in it.

“…The good fighter will be terrible in his onset, and prompt in his decision”

Sun Tzu, The Art Of War

Boxing as a sport is something I’ve never personally understood, only conceptually. The idea of two men stepping into a ring and pummeling each other until one submits or passes out from his injuries has never had very much of an appeal to me. But as with other sports, while I might not consider myself a fan I definitely like looking at the cultural impact boxing has had on our society. Much of our cultural language – both verbal and otherwise – comes from the pugilistic arts. As an organized sport it’s over a century old (just barely seconding to pro baseball by about 30 years), and has since evolved from gloved “gentlemen’s matches” to the full contact melees of Ultimate Fighting.

Jake LaMotta is a middle-weight boxer that enjoys fighting – period. The thrill of a fight is almost like a drug to the man, and oftentimes he will stretch out a fight to remain in the conflict. In the movie’s opening match, Jake is showing signs of wear at the 10^th round of a brutal match. With only seconds to spare, he rebounds suddenly to brutalize his opponent, but it’s not enough – he loses by Technical Knock-Out when the round ends.

Jake’s love of conflict doesn’t end there, though. At home he frequently belittles his wife and starts arguments with her for no apparent reason. The only person who seems to be able to corral his passionate temper is Joey, Jake’s brother. Joey knows that it’s Jake’s rage that fuels his bouts and keeps him on his feet. Like a vitalizing draught, Jake’s anger is what keeps him alive in the ring.

Having separated from his wife, Jake turns his eyes toward Vickie, a teenage beauty in his neighborhood. The two fall in love and quickly get married. For a while it appears that Jake may have finally achieved the balance between passion in his relationship and rage in the boxing ring that he so desperately needed.

Both nothing ever truly lasts, and after winning match after match, Jake is still nowhere near fighting for the middleweight championship that he truly desires. Unfortunately the only way he can do so is by kowtowing to the mafia family that controls the boxing organization. This point of contention unbalances him even more, leading him to take out his frustration on both his wife and brother again. Finally in frustration, Jake lays his hands down and throws a match – a move that opens him up to investigation by both the boxing commission and the FBI. The move proves beneficial though – after his suspension, Jake is allowed to fight for the title and wins it.

Raging Bull is a movie that multiple people had recommended to me previously, but I didn’t know much about it. Mostly I came to it knowing that it was a biopic of Jake LaMotta without really knowing who the person was or what the movie was about. Summarizing it as the tale of a “burnt-out boxer” is like saying that 2001: A Space Odyssey is about space.

De Niro’s portrayal of LaMotta isn’t a terribly sympathetic one, but it’s one of the few instances where the audience isn’t supposed to empathize with the focal character in order to be drawn into the story. LaMotta is a perfect example of how one can be too talented at one thing – his mastery of boxing has made him a legend in the ring, but nearly an animal everywhere else.

Line of the movie: “You didn't get me down, Ray.”

Five stars. Take it like a man.

Knocked Up (2007)

Starring: Seth Rogen, Katherine Heigl, Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, Jason Siegel, Jay Baruchel, Jonah Hill

First, The Lowdown: If the movie’s title doesn’t give you a clue, you need to read something else.

I’m going to do something here that you probably won’t see too often in a movie review and that is: divulge a rather intimate moment of my personal life. (Don’t break out the hand lotion just yet, boyo, it ain’t that kind of intimate.) My youngest daughter was not a planned birth. Hell, I hadn’t even been married to her mother at the time she was conceived. But one magic evening when we were camping on Memorial Day weekend (and after plenty of intoxicants), my then-fiancée and I went back to our tent for some canoodling and completely ignored the fact that we hadn’t renewed her birth control for about a month. Believe it or not, I was actually pretty cognizant of what I was doing at the time, however, and while I probably was more than a little artificially emboldened (thank you Bushmill’s), the main thought I had when I was in congress was “Hey, I’m gonna marry her anyway and I think I’d make a pretty good dad.” Nine months later I bore witness to the happiest thing in my life (far surpassing the orgy I had a month after my birthday.)

Ben Stone is a simple guy with simple goals. His main passions in life are drinking, smoking pot, re-enacting Jackass stunts with his roomies, and cataloguing all actress’ nude appearances in film to put up on a pay website. Alison, by contrast is locked into a steady career as a floor director for the E! Network. She still lives with her sister Debbie and brother in law Pete and their two children. While Alison adores her nieces, she views her sister’s marriage as something to avoid.

After a busy day of wrangling Hollywood talent and corralling Ryan Seacrest, Alison is promoted to an on-camera position as interviewer. Hearing the good news, Alison and Debbie go out clubbing to celebrate. Ben and crew are at the same club, however – probably just to drink. Ben comes to Alison’s rescue at the bar when the bartender refuses to take their order and pretty soon they start talking. And drinking. And talking. And more drinking. And – well you know the rest if you understand the meaning of the movie’s title. The morning after they part company thinking nothing more of it and not really expecting to see each other at all in the near future.

Fast forward two months. Alison is now throwing up everywhere (but not on James Franco during a interview, dammit) and suddenly realizes that she can’t remember the last period she had. (“How does she look right now? She looks like she just realized that she’s pregnant.”) A fevered trip to the grocery store (and trying EVERY over-the-counter test known to man) only confirms her suspicions and now she has to call Ben and give him the news. A visit to the Ob-Gyn only seals the deal. Now Alison has to figure out whether she can have a baby and a career and Ben has to figure out if he can deal with Alison having his baby.

I wasn’t expecting to enjoy this movie as much as I did, honestly. Most of the times I avoid over-hyped comedies (I’m looking at you “American Pie”), but I was pleasantly surprised to watch something that was not only consumer-friendly but was pretty well written. If anything I appreciated that the characters aren’t one note, nor did their development seem contrived. I also appreciated that as a lead Ben was goofy, but not entirely stoopid either. It’s nice to know that unplanned pregnancy can be treated with levity in film without it digressing into parody or saccharine drivel.

Line of the movie: “Why did we go to Costco and buy a year's supply of condoms if you weren't gonna use 'em, man?”

Four stars. Don’t let your meat loaf.

All About My Mother (1999)

(Originally released as Todo Sobre Mi Madre)

Starring: Cecilia Roth, Marisa Peredes, Candela Pena, Antonia San Juan, Penelope Cruz, Rosa Maria Sarda

“When God hands you a gift, he also hands you a whip; and the whip is intended for self-flagellation solely.” - Truman Capote

First The Lowdown: A woman returns to the life she fled after her son dies.

Manuela works as a transplant nurse at the local hospital. In the event of brain death, the doctors try to implore the next of kin to allow them to euthanize an otherwise irreversibly comatose person so that they may use the vital organs for transplants. Her teenage son, Esteban, is an avid writer who is fascinated by Manuela's life before she had him – especially since she never talks about his father.

On Esteban's birthday he insists on watching one of Manuela's seminars where she plays the role of an aggrieved family member who a doctor must try to convince her to give her consent so that they may euthanize a loved on and donate his organs. Later in the evening, Manuela annd Esteban watch Streetcar Named Desire. Estaban is enamored with Huma Rojo, the leading actress and insists on getting her autograph. Huma speeds away in a cab before he has the chance, however. Not to be outdone Esteban chases after it on foot and is hit by a car.

At the hospital Manuela finds herself on the receiving end of a speech she has witnessed many times.

Three weeks later, Manuela is still burdened by the loss of her son. She reads his diary obsessively and in an abortive attempt to be close to him, she tracks down the whereabouts of the recipient of Esteban's heart. Knowing that the temptation to look at her son's files will be too great, Manuela goes to Barcelona – where she last saw Esteban's father.

The first place she heads to is “The Field” - where the local whores ply their trade. There she finds Agrado – a transsexual she knew from ages past. While catching up on old news Manuela hears that Lola, a transvestite as well as mutual acquaintance and former roommate of Agrado, has recently left town – after stealing Agrado's money and valuables. Manuela has her own grudge against Lola, but she won't elaborate on it. Agrado allows her to stay and introduces her to Rosa, a nun who aids the prostitutes in the Field.

Rosa has problems of her own. As part of her work, she is supposed to provide assistance to the local whores, but found herself seduced by Lola – and is now carrying her child. In fear of having either her order or her parents from finding out, Rosa has volunteered to join a nunnery in El Salvador, replacing two nuns that had been murdered.

While waiting for Rosa, Manuela sees an advert for Huma Rojo's production of Streetcar which had just arrived in Barcelona. After watching yet another performance, Manuela approaches Huma in her dressing room. Huma's costar, Nina, has also been serving as her assistant – but Nina's addiction to heroin has made her unreliable. Huma is taken in by Manuela's matter of fact attitude and offers her a job replacing Nina as her assistant.

Much like Almodovar's other work, All About My Mother is heavily layered and seems to be multiple movies with similar characters. In this film he seems to borrow heavily from Tennessee Williams with constant references to both Streetcar Named Desire and All About Eve (Huma's has based her entire life in adulation of Bette Davis). In a Eve-like twist, Manuela replaces Nina's role during a performance. The thing that makes Almodovar so unique, however, is that he freely uses other source material here without plagiarizing it. The characters that stand out the most are the ones who defy conventions – Manuela's past, Agrado's gender change, Huma's immersion into Bette Davis. This is a not a family film, but rather a film about how families are put together in spite of their gender or lineage.

Line of the movie: “Lola is the worst of a man. And the worst of a woman.”

Five stars. Drink your Ovaltine.