"Naked Killer" (1992)

(Originally released as Chiklo Gouyeung)

Starring: Chingmy Yau, Simon Yam, Carrie Ng, Madoka Sugawara, Wai, Yiu, Ken Lo

First, the lowdown: It’s chicks with guns. ‘Nuff said.

The first time I ever saw this film, it was an undubbed import, so while the subtitles were subtly Engrish-flavored, it still was a hoot to see. Now having rewatched a dubbed copy, I can say that it was an interesting argument AGAINST dubbing. All of the characters have annoyingly squeaky voices, and that in combination with the frenetic editing and quick pace of the action sequences can often set one’s nerves on edge. It’s kinda like when your 5-year old cousin got a “Tickle Me” Elmo for Christmas, that’s the only thing you heard for the next 6 hours.

Okay, rant over.

Spoiled daddy’s girl Kitty hates men, but likes their money. After avenging a woman she doesn’t know at a hairstylist’s, she ends up being pursued by the most ineffectual member of the HKPD, Tom: a man who was traumatized for accidentally shooting his brother and now throws up at the thought of drawing his weapon. One evening, she arrives home to discover that her bitchy stepmother has been banging a local stud, Cody, causing her father to fly into a homicidal rage. Father botches the job and ends up falling on the pair of scissors he was wielding. Whadda dope. Now REALLY pissed at men, Kitty stalks down the Cody at his place of work and proceeds to beat the ever-lovin’ snot out of him. However, she did not anticipate on the office to be filled with armed temps, and they quickly gain the upper hand. (As an aside here, what does it say about clerical work in China if one’s office is filled with fully-armed admin assistants and data-entry clerks?). Kitty manages to regroup, but not without taking one in the arm, and makes a strategic retreat. (Probably bemoaning the fact that she passed on that Louis Vuitton Kevlar set she saw in the mall earlier.) In her flight, she runs into Cindy, a Real McCoy professional assassin, who ends up bailing her ass out of the whole fiasco by employing physics-defying martial arts that we’ve come to expect from Chinese cinema. Seeing a kindred spirit, Cindy decides to take the snotty teen under her wing and begins training her on the deadly arts (aside from boot to the head, that is). After training for weeks, Kitty goes to work, only to find out that Tom has been crushing on her since he met her, the sap. Also, Cindy’s former prodigy, Princess (natch), has been vowing to sever all ties between them by any means.

As you’ve probably predicted, I’m not going to ruin the flick for you by giving you the end because I kinda like it. Yeah, the dubbing makes our main femme fatale come off as a bit of a valley girl (I kept waiting for her to pepper her speech with multiple “y’know?”s) This is an exploitive flick to it’s very core, but in a chiefly violent vein. There’s not much NAKED, but the KILLER part is played to the hilt. True Kitty, Cindy, and Princess all act pretty cheeky (and fondle each other A LOT), it’s also done subtly and done CLOTHED. Yet another thing that sets this apart from American cinema: over here there would be multiple scenes of pseudo-sex (with a possible full-frontal nudity shot) and the flick would’ve classified as an “Erotic Thriller”, whatever THAT means. So even though the theme of this movie is pretty naughty, and the dialog kinda on the double entendre side, Naked Killer only has one sex scene in it (come on, I know why you guys watch this crap), and barely any nudity.

Additionally, even though the focal characters are the embodiment of every Fanboy in America (minus the sailor outfits), the film doesn’t just typify one gender over another. Both male AND female roles are equally painted with broad strokes. If anything, Naked Killer is pretty equal-opportunity for a film whose main characters are gun-toting pseudo-lesbians. It is refreshing seeing a movie where the male lead isn’t there to protect the female lead (and isn’t ENTIRELY USELESS).

Line of the movie: “That bitch shot my ass off!” Trust me, that’s the least of your worries, Bub.

Five stars (subtitled), four stars (dubbed). In your face.