Stardust (2007)

Starring: Michelle Pfeiffer, Kate Magowan, Melanie Hill, Charlie Cox, Sienna Miller, Robert De Niro, Claire Danes

First, the Lowdown: A boy steps into a magical land to retrieve a star. And then it gets weird.

There are two kingdoms in the land of England – the magical kingdom of Stormhold and the quite normal land of Her Majesty's domain. The Stormhold is enclosed by a stone wall, but much like the wall of King Hadrian, it was erected not so much as to prevent us from coming in, but to prevent them from getting out. On the normal side of the wall dwells the tiny country hamlet of Wall (natch), whose original purpose was probably to serve as a garrison against those pesky magic using types, but has since faded into obscurity – and a guard of one who minds the wall's only gap.

Tristan is a poor shop boy who has dreams of living beyond the small lot cast him – one them involving the local beauty, Victoria. However, Tristan's means of courting her are not terribly successful, so in a last ditch attempt he vows to bring back to Victoria a star that has fallen on the other side of the wall.

Unbeknownst to Tristan, Stormhold has some problems of it's own. The aged king is dying, and not one of his seven sons has survived killing the others to become the sole heir. (Although four have already passed on to the next life). Since the king can no longer wait to see who outlasts the tontine he casts his ruby necklace out to the kingdom, with the charge that whoever finds it will be king. The ruby, however, is precisely what has knocked the star out of the sky that Tristan is seeking, who upon landing on Earth is a golden-tressed woman named Yvaine. So on waking, the first thing Yvaine does is put on the ruby necklace.

However, Tristan is not the only one looking for the star. Three sisters of the dark arts also are seeking her. If you were to woo a star so that it attains full brightness, and then cut out its heart, you will be granted eternal life. Years of magic use have taken its toll on the witches, and it's been over 400 years since they last seduced a star.

Got all that?

The problem with fantasy is that it's hard to bring complexity to the plot without completely losing your audience. For all of it's glitter and special effects, The Lord of the Rings is an epic length reverse Holy Grail legend with Homer's Iliad thrown in to keep the audience awake. Stardust's major failing is that it borrows from quite a few well known themes (Shakespeare's Macbeth and King Lear easily come to mind), but then then puts a new spin on subjects that are probably lost on anyone who didn't pay full attention in English Lit 201. (The village of Wall is straight out of a Thomas Hardy novel.)

In essence, Stardust is a quest story with a bit of romance thrown in. (It's also been unfairly compared to The Princess Bride, which was a romance with a bit of quest thrown in.) So like all quest stories, it's just one damn thing after another with little to explain for it.

As interesting as it is to bring in two sets of antagonists that are completely unaware of one another, it gets really confusing until the climax when our groups of villains have nearly annihilated each other. I'm thinking that if instead of dealing with a cadre of brothers and a trio of sisters, it should've been one or the other. (There's also a bit about Tristan's mother tossed in a few places, but it seems like an afterthought.)

Finally, Robert De Niro's role as Captain Shakespeare is a treat, but fits a little too neat into the plot. (Since Pirates of the Carribean I'm starting to notice the rise of a “Magic Pirate” stereotype.) Fortunately De Niro doesn't try to hack up an English accent, so he comes off as a longshoreman with his own dirigible.

Don't get me wrong, Stardust is a very fun film and it has one thing that many quest movies lack: momentum (I'm looking at you Krull). The audience gets easily swept along with our main characters, though at times it fees like you're being pulled along by an over-enthusiastic 5 year old. It also uses special effects to a practical purpose, without overemphasizing the “ooh, ahh” aspect of them.

It's also a fantasy film that was made for fans of fantasy. Much of Stardust's clunkiness is easily overlooked by the fandom demographic. (And Gaiman's writing has an popular following itself) But unless you're the type that gets easily obsessed with fairies and dragons, this may come off as interesting to you as a Star Trek sequel.

Line of the movie: “Murdered by pirates, heart torn out and eaten, meet Victoria. I can't quite decide which sounds more fun.”

Four stars. Put two under your tongue and dissolve slowly.