Happy Endings (2005)

Starring: Lisa Kudrow, Steve Coogan, Jesse Bradford, Bobby Cannavale, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jason Ritter

First, the Lowdown: A series of connected stories about people's lives and loves.

Mamie is an abortion counselor who as signed up for a massage. She's nervous at first, especially when she finds out she is going to be serviced by a man instead of a woman. Her tension only increases when the Latino masseur begins to seduce her. The tension is broken, however, when the pair of them start laughing, Turns out Mamie has been dating her regular masseur, Javier (a big no-no in the massage profession).

Meanwhile, Mamie's neurotic stepbrother, Charlie has problems of his own. Charlie's partner, Gil, was the sperm donor for a lesbian couple (one of whom is Gil's best friend) who are now the happy parents of a beautiful boy. The problem is, the couple claim that they used alternate sperm to sire the child because Gil's wasn't compatible. Charlie isnt' convinced they were wholly honest with them about it, however, and is determined to find the truth, one completely neurotic way or another.

Otis works at Charlie's restaurant. And is gay. But doesn't know how to tell anyone, especially his rich father. Desperate to cover up his homosexuality, he lets himself be seduced by professional golddigger, Jude. Jude, being the opportunist she is, quickly trades up Otis for his father, Frank. Frank recently lost his wife and has been dating women young enough to be his own kid to try and recapture a sense of vitality: even as they fleece him for all he's worth.

Mamie, however has bigger things to worry about. A desperate filmmaker, Nicky, knows about the whereabouts of the child she had given up for adoption when she was 17. Desperate to get into the American Film Institute, Nicky tries to set up a reunion between Mamie and her estranged kid so he can film it. Mamie tells Nicky where he can stick that idea, however, so instead Nicky decides to use the information he has on her to blackmail her into making a documentary instead.

Got all that?

Ever since Paul T. Anderson's Magnolia hit the screen there have been multiple imitators trying to put a new spin on the “talking heads” movie by having it involve people who are only tenuously connected to each other. Director Don Roos wants to go one step further toward “originality” however, by putting witty captions between scene changes. While the titles are very witty (my favorite: “When you're a gay man, you have to feel good about yourself when a urologist says, 'Yeah. I pick you.'”), they otherwise come off like that super-annoying guy who has seen the movie thousands of times before and can't help but give you annoying spoilers while you watch it for the first time.

Not only are they kind of unnecessary, but the way they're implemented makes it feel like the director is too afraid of his material becoming too moody and depressing. (Example immediately after one of the characters is hit by a car a caption assures us 'She's not dead'). The meat of the movie comes from the interplay between Jude, Otis, and Frank. Jude's focused cynicism cuts through the foggy cluelessness that both Frank and Otis share. And the movie unfairly seems to focus on them more than any of the other plot threads. It's as if the director emulated the wannabe filmmaker Nickie by coming up with something that one only partially thought through.

Line of the movie: “She's a mother. It's a sick, sick bond. Think of yours; think of mine. It's unwholesome.”

Three and a half stars. Insert witty comment here.