The Thing (1982)

Starring: Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley, TK Carter, David Clennon, Keith David, Richard Dysart

First, the Lowdown: An Antarctic research station is invaded by a shapeshifting alien. Paranoia ensues.

In the cold reaches of the South Pole, a sled dog is being pursued by two men in a helicopter – who are also shooting at the poor creature as it runs away. Meanwhile, the denizens of the American research station are wiling away the hours in simple recreation. Their reverie is quickly broken when the pursuing helicopter lands in the middle of their site. The aircraft is from a nearby Norwegian camp, and the two men inside are frantic in their determination to kill the dog they have been chasing. Now rousted out of their lulling state, the Americans watch in stunned silence as the Norwegians exit their copter. But one of the new arrivals is too hasty in his attempt to kill the sled dog - and he mishandles a grenade, destroying their vehicle and killing himself. The dog has taken advantage of the confusion and begins to mingle with the American onlookers, acting for all the world like a poor abused animal. The remaining Norwegian, however, is more determined than ever on killing it and raises his rifle while shouting at the Americans in his native tongue. None of the Yanks speak Norwegian however, and when the rabid Scandinavian shoots anyway, he nails one of the onlookers in the leg. The act of violence is all the reason the resident military authority needs to return fire, killing the intruder. The resident dog handler takes in the fugitive animal into the base.

Back inside, the American crew ponders as to what could make the Norwegians go all apey like that. True, the isolating sub-zero environment is enough to make anyone lose their mind-grapes, but the Nordic base had eight people on it and is unreachable by radio. In fact, no one is reachable by radio and the weather conditions are slowly getting worse. Unable to find any more answers with what they have, the Americans decide to set out to the Norwegian base to figure out what is going on.

The base has been gutted by a fire – and further investigation inside finds the body of a man, an apparent suicide. In a nearby storage room, MacReady (a pilot for the American team) finds an enormous block of ice that appears to have contained something at one point – and outside is the charred remains of what look like multiple bodies fused together.

The rescue party takes the recovered data and the two corpses back to base for further examination, but the post-mortem on them raises more questions than it answers. The suicide victim was perfectly healthy – no drugs or alcohol – the other body, however, looks like a jumbled mass of body parts.

Later that evening, the crew is enjoying more down time in the rec room – only to be disturbed by the sled dog that has been roaming free ever since it was brought in. Clark, the dog handler, leads it to the kennel where the other sled animals are kept and leaves it to commingle. And commingle is what it certainly does – the resident animals start taking an immediate dislike to their new arrival, which has started to sprout tentacles and gone on the attack, consuming the pack beasts one by one. The assault isn’t the most subtle one, however, and pretty soon the entire station is made aware of the horrific new development in the dogs’ pen. The scientists try shooting it, but the now-amorphous creature only assimilates more flesh from whatever animal is nearby. Nothing is truly fireproof, however, and when the flamethrower is brought out, their nasty new visitor is brought to a smoldering end. The dog-thing is brought in to be examined, and Blair – a staff biologist – discovers that the alien assimilates the cells of its victims and then takes on the victim’s appearance. And since the “sled dog” had been mingling with the crew, any one of them could now be a duplicate.

I love this movie – there, I’ve said it.

The Thing works on so many levels: the isolation of the Antarctic landscape makes everything claustrophic and foreboding (how can you escape a monster when you can’t even survive outside for more than 15 minutes?) When it’s revealed that any one of the characters could be a duplicate, the movie almost implodes under the weight of its own paranoia. It doesn’t help that most of our players are aloof and reclusive to begin with – all of them start out in the movie doing their own little thing in their own little corner and remain that way until the penny drops that someone could be the titular Thing in disguise.

The makeup effects, a sticking point for many critics (Roger Ebert described the film as a “barf bag”), are really put to good use here – instead of marveling at the fountain of blood of a disembodied limb or the trajectory of a decapitated head, we’re presented with the visceral horror of something that is violating the bodies it contacts in the most literal sense. It’s easy to forget that underneath the facile layer of our skin lies a bulk of organs, bones, and sinew; so when the Thing begins its metamorphic process, it’s not a subtle and clandestine method – a la Invasion of the Body Snatchers, but a forceful, brutish takeover that’s too horrible to imagine, and yet it’s happening right in front of you. A classic moment in the movie - an assimilated man’s head sprouts spider legs and tears itself away in order to avoid being incinerated. But when one of the crew spies it slinking away in the distance, his reaction is, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding!”

Line of the Movie: “I dunno what the hell’s in there, but it’s weird and pissed off, whatever it is.”

Five stars. Break out the sauce.