"The Fearless Hyena" (1979)

One from my personal collection!

(Originally released as Hsiao Chuan Yi Chao)

Starring: Jackie Chan (credited as Jacky Chan), and a host of other people with unpronounceable names.

First, the Lowdown: It’s a wacky Chinese movie filled with jaw-dropping fight sequences.

When the movie opens, we see a trio of men running across a field Benny Hill-style. They get intercepted by a Big Heinous guy in a flowing red cape and snow white wig. Apparently Big Heinous is a master of the Indian Burn style of kung fu and proceeds to Rolf one of our hapless pursuants to death. Meanwhile, Jackie Chan plays yet another young student of the elegant art of kung fu who is trying to take care of his elderly grandfather. Grandfather may have consumption, but he can kick Chan’s ass across the four corners of the world. And does so in quite a few sequences (including one where Chan gets rapped so many times across the noggin with a stick, it gives the audience a headache.) Later Chan tries to earn money the easy way by gambling, and earns the ire of the Three Stooges of the local underground. After kicking the Stooges combined asses several times, Chan is then approached by them with an offer to teach at a failing academy. The academy is headed by a Chinese Buddy Hackett who offers Chan a stipend for roping in students with his trademarked Fists O’ Fury™. Grandfather has admonished Chan for teaching others the family style of kung fu by beating the crap out of them, but Chan’s desire to help out with the family finances takes over. Apparently, Chan’s method of advertising is to beat up whatever person comes along, and in their semi-conscious daze, Buddy Hackett signs them up for instruction. The fights are extremely amusing and include a sequence where Chan fights in drag. (Getting your ass kicked by a transvestite is real sad.) Eventually, Big Heinous comes to town, recognizes Grandfather’s clan from the sign for Buddy Hackett’s school, speeds off to Grandfather’s shack, and proceeds to beat the ever-lovin’ snot out of him. (One thing to point out is that whenever Big Heinous they often use the film queue from "Superman" where General Zod is sent to the Phantom Zone. You keep expecting him to tell Grandfather "You will bow before me. Both you, and then one day, YOUR HEIRS!") Chan witnesses Grandfather's demise, but is unable to do anything because he’s pinned down by a guy with a crutch. This is a good thing because Big Heinous probably would've torn into Chan and shown him his still throbbing duodenum. The cripple turns out to be “The Unicorn,” a former student of Grandfather’s, who is a Kung-Fu version of Dickens’ Tiny Tim. The Unicorn proceeds to teach Chan on how to focus his energy to savagely pummel his opponents while not tiring himself out. There’s more wacky sparring sequences; and lots of cringe-inducing training sequences, (including one for the ladies: a sweaty, shirtless Jackie Chan flexing every muscle in chest). Will Chan learn to tame his restless heart? Will the Unicorn ever walk again? Will Big Heinous learn to kill with kindness? STAY TUNED.

Line of the movie: “You’d better start digging, or you’ll never be BURIED!” Big Heinous’ last witticism to Grandfather before he kicks his elderly ass.

Four stars. Collect them all!